I would like to help hold that jug as it pours

Two things in the text jumped out at me:

"You have more in common with the water signs such as Scorpio and Cancer at the risk of serious tensions especially with Cancer.

You may have some intense relationships with Gemini but these will prove
very difficult to maintain on a lasting basis." (italics mine)

Well over 33 yrs of high-tension marriage to a Cancer...& my other most intense relationship was with a Gemini...spooky, huh...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.